Bitch you cray

He wonders when he'll see the crazy
But little does he know the crazy isnt typical; its the wild fire behind her eyes that has been reignited after the smoldering ashes and remnants of a jaded past left behind doubt and remorse
The feeling of just being in the presence of him drives her mad with passion, a burning heart is where her crazy lays, waiting patiently, honestly and most of all supportingly hoping for the happiness of this man, this joy to grace her life
Her crazy was her ridiculous patience for bullshit and excuses for wastes of time that she entertained in her past...
Crazy is not holding yourself to higher standards until you have someone relying on you
The only crazy in her life is how normal she feels right now.

I'd walk through fire

I went through hell to get you
And I'd do it again
Was lied to and cheated on
And I'd do it again
Went through pain and suffering
And I'd do it again
Days of not knowing how the man would be
Decided it was worth it for both you and me
My body changed forever, I was crushed with the news
I judged myself, a new identity, how could this be true?
Felt disgusted and ashamed 
Regretted the moment
But when I look at you, sweet child, I can see 
How life goes
Something so beautiful comes from the ashes where darkness grows
Now on the other side, I think about my struggle
All this pain, hurt and suffering to make myself stronger
Got you in the end
And I'd do it all again. 

Wander

She makes it seem easy, this life of hers keeps her head down grin and bear it 
 she knows because
face it,she won't ever let go
Almost wanting sanity to leave; walk out the door so you can give up and let somebody care for yours 
That's the problem, you see, she cares too damn much to let anybody be 
Natural inclination to lead, but secretly wanting to see someone step up and be in charge
Trusting no ones intentions, this liar left behind
A poisoned shell of an innocent who now knows she was blind
Mistakes so deep they cut her to the bone lacerations on the inside nursing them all alone 
Hope is a gift or a curse; she cannot be decided 
Her ego, her will still strongly divided

Badfish

I walked in on a cloud of white and a barley  filled haze                   He caught my eye, I wasn't sure what he was looking at
 Gave a half smile and a backhanded wave
He offered me a beer since it seemed kind of queer to be sharing one with a friend
One month later wouldn't you know I'm falling deeply in emotion to this unlikely man
Insecurities and fear swirl about my head
Will I get hurt? Is he disingenuous? Can I truly move past my horrible experiences and have faith in humanity again?
I am a gambler. I gamble with my emotions on a daily basis. I find myself willing to get hurt and put myself at risk for a fleeting attempt, a mere chance at Love.
I'm cynical and jaded. Ashamed of my story. Not wanting my experiences to be summed up as naivety...a foolish girl who believes lies and half truths and gets hurt and then gets up, brushes herself off and does it again. Foolish Fool. Crazy fool.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results. I ask thee now, am I insane, I continue to so foolishly believe I will find someone. "The One" that I hope is out there; but I'm losing faith. I should get a cat and name it faith so I have a little in my life. Ha! Cat lady. Alone with litter boxes.

 I fucking hate cats. I'd rather just lose all faith.